• Have you experienced the challenge at work that your team members don’t move before you tell them to move? 
  • Have you been stressed and frustrated because people (even in management positions) have a difficult time to make decisions?
  • Have you ever had the feeling that you have to do all the thinking and the people around you don’t seem to use their brain? 
  • Have you ever felt that a person has to turn into someone else in order to succeed in his/her position?
  • Have you maybe become one of these people? 

Welcome to the world of codependency. This is a common phenomena that I see way too often these days. Codependency has been referred to as the disease of a lost self.

Here are some signs that correlate with codependency: stress; anxiety; low self-esteem; having poor boundaries; a need of control over others; fixating on mistakes; feeling compelled to take care of people; denying your own thoughts, needs and feelings; (Lancer, 2016, Mental Health America)

It becomes very difficult to connect with others if you are completely disconnected from yourself and your own needs and wants. If a person turns into someone who has to please others day after day, they lose focus of themselves and their role. 

Don’t shoot the messenger but this is a self-inflicted misery. 

Think about it this way: If people get questioned and criticized all day long, they eventually start to shut down. If you would like to hear it in more technical terms, their “operating system” simply doesn’t work anymore. They feel hopeless and helpless. 

People start to think, “If it is never good enough, why even bother?” 

Now what are your choices? 

  • Fire and hire, fire and hire, fire and hire or
  • Increase your human understanding to get the people process right

I encourage you to shift your perspective. Every person is a resourceful human being who has the ability to add tremendous value to an organization. Help them to become the best they can be by allowing them figure things out on their own merit. This would be so much better than trying to turn them into someone else by telling them what to do and how to do it. 

People don’t have to be controlled, instead cultivate their workplace behaviours (including your own) by providing constructive feedback and by asking for constructive feedback yourself. 

If you want to see different results, please go and drop that remote control.

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